Relationships – Peter Gowesky

In Family & Parenting

3 Tips for a Better Dating Relationship

September 26, 2013 2 Comments

The lyrics from Jimmy Soul’s song, If You Want To Be Happy, always haunted me as a teenager. Was it true? Did I need to follow his advice in order to be happy for the rest of my life? Check out his advice for all you single men.

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

What is up with that guy? I can tell you that in order to be happy you don’t need to look under the ugly tree. Dating can be one of the most difficult times of your life, or it can be one of the most exciting times! Here are a few tips to help intentionally date him or her.

1. Foster Friendship

When you start the relationship out from the basis of having already been friends, communication comes easier. Friends tell other friends that there is something in their teeth. There isn’t a hesitation to share with the other person. This isn’t to say that if you started dating someone who wasn’t your friend at first that it will fail, it just means that you need to work harder to foster your friendship. Work as hard to foster your friendship as your romantic attraction towards one another. Romance is awesome, but friendship is life giving. Tiffany and I were very intentional about creating an authentic friendship by letting go of the pressure to be the person we thought the other one wanted to date. It allowed us to get to know the real person and fall in love with them.

2. Experience Life Together

Life is the sum of so many events and activities. Unfortunately I talk to too many dating couples who only go to the same few places together. It’s so predictable, Dinner, a Movie, and then maybe drinks afterwards. Life is more than dinner and movies. Go experience all of what life has to offer. You don’t need to live together, or play house in order to do this. Tiffany and I would do all sorts of things together. If one of us needed to go somewhere, the other usually tagged along. We ran together, studied together, played ultimate frisbee together, went to church together and served there together as well. We were able to see each other’s strength’s, passions, and honestly one another’s weakness’ as well. There is more to a relationship than dinner and a movie!

3. Bare Your Soul

Bare your soul, not your body–that will come later. Before you worry about getting naked, worry about getting intimate. Intimacy is much more than sex. Intimacy is being willing to be open and honest about your failures, and fears. Intimacy is being transparent with another person and not feeling like you need to maintain an image. When you bear your soul to the other person, there is no fear of them finding something out–you’ve already told them! Is it scary? You bet. Is it worth it? More than you could imagine. Seriously though, when you are transparent and honest, you get to just be yourself. After all, that’s the only person you have to offer if and when you get to that altar. Before Tiffany and I were even dating, one of the very first nights that we hung out we sat on a bench and began to open up to one another about who we really were. I knew that there was something worth pursuing there because I could see that there was an incredible depth of character. She was a real person not just a facade.

Dating can be extraordinarily fun. Especially when you are intentional about what you are up to. There’s a ton of jokesters out there. I think these three things help sniff em out so you can move past them!

~Peter

Here’s a throwback to our dating days! I can’t believe that she said yes even though I wore chunky hemp necklaces and rocked the George Clooney haircut!

Beautiful Couple

In Faith in Real Life

One of my favorite things…

January 20, 2012 No Comments

There are a lot of things that I enjoy doing in life. And fortunately my job allows me to do some of them! This weekend is a highlight for me. This weekend I will have the privilege of performing the wedding ceremony for two of our former youth leaders. I look forward to opportunities like this. I have known Bekah and Jesse for about 4 years now and I am totally excited to celebrate with them tomorrow!

I also love participating in weddings because every now and then something like this happens…

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clw7SAJs_6w]

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0]

What’s the best thing that you’ve ever seen at a wedding? For me, it was my own wedding… My 6’49” brother-in-law passed out right in the middle of my ceremony. Good times, funny memories of “Tommy-Timbers”…

Here’s hoping for tomorrow,

Peter

In Faith in Real Life

Paper Towels, Arguments, and You

August 18, 2011 No Comments

Yesterday was a tough day. Noah had been having a “really hard day”. That is what he calls a day that has been filled with mistakes, arguments, and disappointments. Yesterday I tweeted a picture of a note that he gave me. It was drawn on a paper towel and folded up neatly ensuring that it was tightly packaged. The note simply says I’m Sorry, with a giant heart on the top.

There were several cool things about this note.

1. He was not prompted to write it. No one had to tell him to write an apology note. It flowed out of his desire to make things right. He spent time thinking through his visual expression of apology. Then he put creative effort into the apology.

2. It came quickly after the “issue”. It was not long after I had a conversation with Noah about his behavior that he went to the art table and proceeded to work on his note. There was no delay or gripe session to be had.

3. He was broken and gentle when he gave it to me. When he brought it over to me and presented his gift to me, his little voice was soft and gentle. He had an attitude of brokenness and a really sweet spirit.

What about you? Think back to the last altercation you were in, how did you resolve it?

It seems to me that we very often after we get in an argument with someone there is a long time before we get around to saying the dreaded words, “I’m Sorry”. Sometimes we may not ever even say it. If and when we do say I’m sorry, does your inflection, and body language declare that you are truly sorry, or was it said from an attitude that is far less than sorry?

An apology given that is not actually concerned with correcting and restoring the relationship is no apology at all.

Think, is there someone right now who you need to say I’m sorry to? If so, what’s stopping you?

~Peter

In Faith in Real Life

Significant relationships=Significant time

November 17, 2008 2 Comments

How many good friends do you really have? How many friends do you have that you would share anything with? Do you have a friend that you can bare your soul to, and feel like you are going to be sincerely understood and accepted?

It’s time for another salt lick round table discussion… Let’s get our thinking caps on… time to think on these things…

Lately I have been thinking about my friends, about the pace of my life, and if you’ve read anything around here, the state of my soul. I have also been reading a book by Doug Fields, “What matters most, when no is better than yes”. The combination of this short book and the other influences in my life have left me wondering about my relationships. So, I wondered if maybe you would want to think about them too! Your relationships that is…

Do you ever have a problem with the pace of your life? Have you found yourself out to many nights a week, leaving yourself no time for the things that matter most?

Fields makes a great point in this statement, “It takes time to go deep with others; but if you’re too busy, you won’t make the time for significant relationships.” He continues… “Many ministry people are busy because they’re trying to become everything to everyone; instead they become nothing to no one.”

One of my favorite quotes right now is from this guy over here at Stuff Christians Like… He wrote it in a very funny piece about blended worship services. He said something to the extent of this, “Yeah, Let’s compromise, that way we both loose!”

I feel like that applies to so many situations. I have found myself saying that to myself over and over again in these past few weeks. “Hmm… (sarcastic undertone included) Yeah let’s compromise Gowesky, that way you loose both things!”

When it comes to relationships, the question is, are you slowing down long enough to make friends, to deepen the relationships that you already have, and to sincerely care for those who you have the privilage of calling your best friend?

I know that there is one friend that I have just pushed out of my schedule, simply because I haven’t kept my schedule in check. It’s entirely my fault! I feel bad! In fact, I know that I owe him a huge apology!

Is there anyone like that in your life?

“When you don’t go deep with others, you’ll live in a very shallow place and ultimately become a shallow person. I’ve watched busy people become so shallow that they don’t even understand how their busyness is impacting them.” -Doug Fields

WOW!!! Am I the only crazy one here? It’s an all Skate… Join in the conversation. What do you think?

~Peter

In Faith in Real Life

Friends

July 23, 2008 4 Comments

I have got some great friends… Let me tell you about a few. So, I’ve got this friend Rick. Rick is Old. (Okay not really that old) Rick is like one of the funniest guys ever. See, Rick was a banker for years, and now Rick works at a college. He is awesome. I love Rick because he is a thinker, yet at the same time not removed from us normal people. Rick thinks about stuff, and is super intelligent about things. That’s generally a fresh perspective for me! Rick has an arm that doesn’t bend all the way either. Which makes for some funny jokes too. Gotta love Rick.

I have a friend James. James is so musical. He touches strings and they just begin to make music. I’m pretty sure that if we put 6 pieces of fishing line on the back of my VW Golf, he could play it and like seriously do some musical damage. James inspires me to be creative and artistic, both musically and in other ways. James also isn’t afraid to ask how I am really doing.

I have a friend Matt. Matt is great. Matt and I can get laughing and laughing about some of the dumbest stuff, but it’s the kind of laugh that when it’s over you actually feel better about life. Matt challenges me to continue to find out more about stuff. See Matt is training to be a CSI. So, in a weird way, Matt is always looking at things, and situations and figuring them out. I want to do that better. I want to look at stuff and be able to really understand what is going on behind the scenes.

I have a friend Tom. Tom is the type of friend who is their for you whenever you need something. You know how yesterday I was stranded at the airport? Well, I blog about it, and no sooner did I do that, then i get a phone call asking if I need to be picked up. Tom is an awesome guy. Tom makes me want to be a better servant. To literally pick up the towel and wash feet just the way that Jesus did. I see that in Tom. I want that for my life.

There are countless other stories that I could share with you. Countless other people who I could mention. It’s important to have friends. Friends are so important. I am so thankful for the friends that God has put into my life. For all of you, I am grateful.

Who are your friends? What are you learning from your friends?

~Peter