Peter Gowesky – Page 2 – Peter Gowesky

In Faith in Real Life

Changing Seasons and an Unchanging God

October 3, 2013 2 Comments

Where I live in northeastern New Jersey, the leaves are all starting to change colors. The signs that fall is upon us are so evident. In some ways I really enjoy this. I found that I love the change of the seasons.

I am a summer guy, there is no question about that. I love almost any activity that has to do with the summer except for sweating. So the change from it being 96 degrees out with the humidity being something you can taste to a cool 70° is welcome to me right about now. As you drive around the neighborhoods, more and more pumpkins are showing up on people’s doorsteps and I’m starting to notice more cornstalks popping up around too. That one never really made sense to me, I’m just going to be honest. I get why people put up pumpkins they’re cute and decorative, I’m just not to sure about the cornstalks.

One of the things I love about the changing of the seasons is that it reminds me of what I love about the season before it. Right now I am missing sitting and soaking in the sun on a sandy beach. I am missing hearing the sound of seagulls cackle about my head. In the middle of the summer oddly enough I find myself missing a rainy spring day. And in the dead of winter, I long to be outside in a flannel shirt and a vest. Then in the spring I miss sitting under our favorite blanket on the couch with a cup of hot coffee. Every season reminds me of the beauty and joy of the season before it.

In the midst of all of this change, I am reminded of one thing that doesn’t change–God. Whether there are leaves on the trees or leaves on the ground, or they are somewhere in the in between stage, God is still in control. In fact, God is the one who causes leaves to bud out, grow, and then one day fall to the ground. God is holding that together right now.

For some of you it isn’t the natural seasons that you’re concerned about. Right now you’re in the midst of changing seasons of life. Some of you have lost a job, gotten a divorce, or found out you have cancer. Or maybe you’ve recently become a parent, or that precious baby you used to hold in your arms is now breaking free and headed off to college. These changing seasons can be incredibly difficult.

No matter what season of life you’re in remember that God is one who doesn’t change, even if you do. I love the words from Lamentations 3:21-23

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: 22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; 23 they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 24 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.”

What is one thing you need to hope in God for today?

~Peter

In Faith in Real Life

Saints or Sinners?

October 2, 2013 No Comments

When you walk into church on a Sunday morning, who do you see around you? What are those people like? Are they people who have it all together? Do they struggle? Do they doubt? What do you think and feel?

I know that walking through the front doors of a church can be incredibly overwhelming for some people. Some people are afraid that if they come to church their skin is going to burn from the holy light that is in that space like some sort of exorcist movie. They believe that they have done so many horrible things that they won’t ever be accepted in a place like this. Maybe that is how you feel, or used to feel. Interestingly enough, the way that we view others affects the way that we engage with others.

It comes down to this? Do you see church as a collection of saints, or a collection of sinners?

One of the primary reasons that people don’t spend more time engaging in confession and accountability is because they are afraid of being judged by you and me. Too often we think that the church is a collection of saints and that we are the one sinner that slipped into that community. That couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, we are all sinners, we are all people who at one point in time or another were separated from God. Too often we believe the lie that I can never measure up, or I’ll never change. We loose hope and we start to just throw in the towel.

Don’t buy the lie.

That’s the amazing thing about Jesus. Anyone can come to Him and find that there is still hope no matter how dark their world may seem. It is because of Jesus’ death on the cross that each one of us with our bruises, scars, and warts can come before God and be seen as beautiful and clean by Him.

The church is not filled with better people, just people who are better off because of it.

So what do you think? In an honest moment here, do you lean more on the side of seeing people as saints, or sinners? Let’s take a poll.

~Peter

[polldaddy poll=7439758]

In Faith in Real Life

When Life Feels Like Too Much: 4 Rhythms to Recenter Your Soul

October 1, 2013 No Comments

Have you ever felt like life is just flying by you? Work is cranking out endless tasks and responsibilities… The kids have countless events that they need chauffeuring to… There are multiple required social events on your calendar filling up your weekends… And some how you need to find time to just simply go to the bathroom in all that mess of a schedule.

This happened to me the other day. I was in a rush to get as many things into one 24 hour day as possible. I was running from one event to another and found that it was making me grouchy, irritable, and just down right testy.

I had to hit pause.

For about 40 minutes I simply sat still and watched life around me. Instead of watching life go by I did my best to be fully present in the midst of it. I sat and journaled and prayed and listened to some music. In those 40 minutes I felt more refreshed and rejuvenated than before.

When life is flying by you and feeling out of control try these four things…

1. Pause

As difficult as this may be, there are times when you need to simply just unplug. This might mean the dishes in the sink pile up for a little bit. Or the lawn doesn’t get mowed today. These things need to get done, but not necessarily right now. Your pause could be 30 minutes, 2 hours, or even a full day. It all depends on what you are willing to carve out of your schedule.

2. Reflect

Our minds are moving a million miles an hour, thinking about thousands of different things. It is a gift to stop and process what has been happening in your life the past few days, or weeks. It could be as simple as answering two questions: Where have I seen God lately, and What has God been showing me through these past few days or weeks?

3. Pray

Prayer is our intimate connection with our Creator, our Heavenly Father, and our God. Prayer is an act of depending on God in all things. When I am running my life and going a million miles an hour, my greatest temptation is to believe that I can do it all on my own. Prayer reminds me that I can’t. I am desperately in need of God’s help and presence in my life.

4. Journal

There is something life giving about writing in a journal. It has been a habit that I have added to my life for the past 8 years. I have filled a few moleskin’s with the thoughts, prayers, and tears of what’s going on around me. Writing is slow. It causes you to think, and process. Writing things out quite possibly can also help you figure things out.

What would you add to the list? Leave a comment below.

~Peter

In Faith in Real Life

Escaping the Comparison Trap: Becoming Who God Made You to Be

September 30, 2013 No Comments

Have you ever felt like you just weren’t enough? I’ll be honest, there are times when I struggle feeling like I am enough. I wonder am I good enough, am I strong enough, am I smart enough, am I thin enough, am I ______________ enough. You fill in the adjective, I’ve wondered about it. Jon Acuff said recently, “Don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.” That’s tough for me.

Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy”. How true is that?

I was reading through Romans 12 the other morning when I came across verse 2 and it struck me in a whole new way.

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Romans 12:2 (the Message)

What a great reminder! When I begin to play the comparison game and wonder where I am not measuring up I need to remember these few things…

1. Be Unique

Our world loves to put people into little boxes and categories. If you dress a certain way, that means you are hipster, nerdy, sporty, or chic. If you like to recycle you are a green tree hugger. If you are a hunter you clearly don’t love animals. Come on! There are so many different pressures that we face. The media, our peers, and the world around us want to desperately form us into their mold. You don’t have to fit in that mold.

2. Be Flexible

God wants to transform you into a different person. You don’t have to be like everyone else because God is in the business of making you, you. The old me is exactly that- old. It’s time to bring on the new. This will happen over time and it will happen because He begins to change your thought process. There are times when you need to be willing to not always be right, or change the way that you think about things.

3. Be Teachable

When you step back and see what God has been doing in you, the ways that He has been molding and shaping you, all of the experiences that you have had, and all of the pain that you have gone through, it is a little easier to see what God may want to do through you. The last part of that verse says that you will begin to see what God wants to do through you, in you, and with you. It will require you to be teachable.

I can easily get caught up in the comparison trap. It is not a fun place to be. I’m thankful that God doesn’t want us to stay there and provides a way out of it!

~Peter

In Faith in Real Life

Being ‘More’ Together

September 27, 2013 No Comments

Let’s just call something out. You are incredibly privileged. Based upon the fact that you were able to push a button and connect to the information super highway you are among the world’s wealthiest. The simple fact that you are connected online to so many hundreds of other people through Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram mean that you have privilege and means. I know that I do. There are times when I wonder am I using my privilege and my means enough to support and take care of those who do not have as much.

It’s funny, the more connected we are digitally, it seems like the more disconnected we are physically.

When Jesus is asked what the greatest commandment in the law is, He responds in Matthew 22:37-40 by saying,

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend the whole law and the Prophets.

When Jesus uttered those words I don’t think that He meant that we should just click ‘like’ on someone’s Facebook rant about the injustices in the world.

I don’t think that Jesus meant that we should stir our hearts to the point of passion, but not enough passion to actually do anything about it.

It’s funny… We are able to explain away so easily what it means to love our neighbors as ourselves. It amazes me how simple it is for me to ignore my neighbors and not give a rip about what is happening in their world. We live in the most connected world ever. What will it take for us to reorient ourselves and look to the needs of all of those people on your news feeds, and timelines.

I love how Jen Hatmaker puts it,

Love your neighbor as yourself. In other words, what standard is acceptable for my own life? My own family? This is the benchmark for everyone else.

What if we applied the same benchmark that we have for ourselves towards others? I imagine that we would give more, listen more, hug more, laugh more, pray more, help more, be more, and see more.

Here’s to being ‘more’. Let’s be ‘more’ together.

~Peter

In Family & Parenting

3 Tips for a Better Dating Relationship

September 26, 2013 2 Comments

The lyrics from Jimmy Soul’s song, If You Want To Be Happy, always haunted me as a teenager. Was it true? Did I need to follow his advice in order to be happy for the rest of my life? Check out his advice for all you single men.

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

What is up with that guy? I can tell you that in order to be happy you don’t need to look under the ugly tree. Dating can be one of the most difficult times of your life, or it can be one of the most exciting times! Here are a few tips to help intentionally date him or her.

1. Foster Friendship

When you start the relationship out from the basis of having already been friends, communication comes easier. Friends tell other friends that there is something in their teeth. There isn’t a hesitation to share with the other person. This isn’t to say that if you started dating someone who wasn’t your friend at first that it will fail, it just means that you need to work harder to foster your friendship. Work as hard to foster your friendship as your romantic attraction towards one another. Romance is awesome, but friendship is life giving. Tiffany and I were very intentional about creating an authentic friendship by letting go of the pressure to be the person we thought the other one wanted to date. It allowed us to get to know the real person and fall in love with them.

2. Experience Life Together

Life is the sum of so many events and activities. Unfortunately I talk to too many dating couples who only go to the same few places together. It’s so predictable, Dinner, a Movie, and then maybe drinks afterwards. Life is more than dinner and movies. Go experience all of what life has to offer. You don’t need to live together, or play house in order to do this. Tiffany and I would do all sorts of things together. If one of us needed to go somewhere, the other usually tagged along. We ran together, studied together, played ultimate frisbee together, went to church together and served there together as well. We were able to see each other’s strength’s, passions, and honestly one another’s weakness’ as well. There is more to a relationship than dinner and a movie!

3. Bare Your Soul

Bare your soul, not your body–that will come later. Before you worry about getting naked, worry about getting intimate. Intimacy is much more than sex. Intimacy is being willing to be open and honest about your failures, and fears. Intimacy is being transparent with another person and not feeling like you need to maintain an image. When you bear your soul to the other person, there is no fear of them finding something out–you’ve already told them! Is it scary? You bet. Is it worth it? More than you could imagine. Seriously though, when you are transparent and honest, you get to just be yourself. After all, that’s the only person you have to offer if and when you get to that altar. Before Tiffany and I were even dating, one of the very first nights that we hung out we sat on a bench and began to open up to one another about who we really were. I knew that there was something worth pursuing there because I could see that there was an incredible depth of character. She was a real person not just a facade.

Dating can be extraordinarily fun. Especially when you are intentional about what you are up to. There’s a ton of jokesters out there. I think these three things help sniff em out so you can move past them!

~Peter

Here’s a throwback to our dating days! I can’t believe that she said yes even though I wore chunky hemp necklaces and rocked the George Clooney haircut!

Beautiful Couple

In Faith in Real Life

No More Talking

September 25, 2013 No Comments

what is your life saying

Actions speak louder than words. At least that is what they say. When I come home and walk through that door, I can immediately tell if Tiffany needs me to sit down and talk with her about her day, or if she needs to be tagged out and I get to play in the wrestling ring of life with three kids. Sometimes she doesn’t need me to say anything, she just needs me to do something. And that speaks louder than anything I could have said to her. Communication is a funny thing because we communicate with far more than just words. We express ourselves through our body language, our facial expressions, and our emotional responses. We are constantly gathering information from each other as we live life together. Often times the most helpful information are the things that no one is actually saying out loud. It is the things that you are doing. Sometimes it is just who you are that speaks volumes! This brings me to a question:

If God took away my words, would my life keep speaking?

What would my life be saying? Words aren’t everything, they are helpful, but they are not the end all and be all of communication. What if someone said to you, NO more talking. Would you be happy with the message your life would communicate?

So, here’s the question… what is your life saying today?

~Peter

In Faith in Real Life

Listening to Your Pain

September 24, 2013 No Comments

The other day I wrote on the value of pain. And since then I have had so many conversations with some of you about all of the painful situations that you are currently going through, or already have gone through. It can be so incredibly overwhelming right? It is never easy to talk about cancer, and how that is taking the life of your dad. Or listening to someone share how mental illness is transforming their sister who was once brilliant and vibrant and is now fading away. Pain comes in all shapes and sizes and pain knows very few boundaries.

In the midst of pain we can respond or we can ignore it.

I’ll never forget that Saturday morning men’s breakfast that we were sitting around a table enjoying bagel egg and cheese sandwiches when someone got a call that Shelly had passed away the night before. Shelly attended our little church and was known and loved by everyone. She was happily married and loved on her beautiful 6 year old daughter. Shelly was a paraplegic. She was not only unable to move her legs, she couldn’t feel them either. The nerve endings in her legs that were supposed to communicate to her telling her that she was in pain did not work. So that Friday night Shelly cozied up to a gas flame heater and fell asleep. She never realized that her legs were burning and suffering excruciating pain. Eventually a clot formed and went straight to her heart. Unfortunately, the nerve endings that were designed to tell her that something hurt and that she needed to do something about it were not working. She never got the message.

Pain communicates!

What is your pain saying to you? What is the next step that you need to take to move away from the source of pain and move towards the place of healing?

There is an old Jewish proverb that I love so much. It says, “What soap is for the body, tears are for the soul.” When I am in the midst of pain, I no longer apologize for my tears. Those tears are as much a part of my communication process as the initial pain is. I value the times when I have what we call in my family “a good cry”. Don’t mask your emotions, don’t apologize for your tears. God has given us each and every emotion so that we can properly relate to Him, and to one another.

Take a breath. Pause for a minute. What is your pain trying to tell you?

~Peter

In Faith in Real Life

One Year at a Time: The Power of Simple Truths That Keep You Going

September 23, 2013 4 Comments

A while ago I wrote a post on my favorite axioms. I try to remind myself of these all the time. An axiom is a self-evident truth that requires no proof. Okay, so they are my axioms, which means that they are self evident to me. They are incredibly helpful to me, and may be for you too. They are like lights on the runway for me. They help guide me and give me direction.

I have realized that since the time that I wrote that post, another one has popped up in my life. It is not as profound as some of the others, but still encouraging. Here’s the latest.

Anyone can do anything for a year.

I warned you. It’s not profound. In fact it is incredibly simple. That is one of the reasons why I love it. It’s a timeless reminder to me not to give up or give in. Some days I feel like a distance runner, and other days I feel like a sprinter. On the days I feel like a sprinter and I am about to give up because the race is longer than I expected it would be or harder than I thought it was going to be I need to be reminded that anyone can do anything for a year.

This encourages me to keep going. Keep dreaming, keep following Jesus in the midst of whatever it is that is currently going on. I find myself sharing this with people almost every week. So whatever difficulty you are going through right now, remember, Anyone can do anything for a year. I’m convinced of it. Keep going. Just take the next step. And then tomorrow take the next one. You’ll get there. I promise!

Likely you have your own axioms, I’d love to hear them too. Drop them in the comments below.

~Peter

In Faith in Real Life

When Life Hurts: 4 Ways Pain Can Shape Your Faith

September 20, 2013 1 Comment

“I never thought I was going to hurt this bad.”

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard someone share those words, or words like that with me. I sat across the table from a woman recently, she had tears running down her face as she shared with me the struggle and the pains of her marriage. It was a tragic story. Her story was not a fairytale, or one of Hollywood’s romantic comedies. Kate Hudson would never play this woman’s character. Think more like Jennifer Lopez from Enough.

What do we do when life hurts get us down? How do we respond when life doesn’t seem to be going the way that we expected it to go?

These are questions that I have had to answer for myself, and unfortunately I have people ask me those questions almost on a weekly basis. We live in a broken world. Our world is fractured with selfishness, greed, lust, anger, and pride. Those are just a few of the ugly things that rear their heads in our world. The good news is that Jesus came to heal not only our brokenness but the deep fracture that exists in our world today.

Pain is not always bad. It is never fun to go through, but my experience has been that pain shapes us. Pain has an incredible way of growing and developing our character. Here are four things that I see pain doing in my life.

1. Pain causes us to Cry Out.

My wife Tiffany always makes fun of me, because whenever I get hut I vocalize it. I can’t help but yelp when I mash my thumb with a hammer. I can’t help but grunt when I twist my ankle. That is me vocalizing what is going on inside of me. When we go through pain, we need to vocalize what is happening. Pain should cause you to cry out. I’ll never forget laying in the hospital bed almost 3 years ago now, unable to move, or even open my eyes because the pain was so intense. All I could do was just quietly cry out to God, “Jesus help me… help me…”

2. Pain causes us to Slow Down

If you’ve ever broken a bone you know that life doesn’t go back to normal immediately after they set the bone. The doctor prescribes a period of healing. Sometimes it can be 6 weeks or more before you are healthy enough and before your body has been restored to the place where your bones can handle the stress and pressure on them. Emotional pain has the same effect. It should cause you to slow down and proceed with caution. Your hurt causes you to test the waters a little bit before you dive right in.

3. Pain causes us to Think About the Root

I don’t know about you, but I never want to repeat painful situations. If we don’t want to repeat the pain, then we better figure out what caused it. After injuring myself I will never do that activity the same again. You can’t right? We have to figure out the root cause for the pain and then try to remedy it. I was always taught that the most dangerous knife was a dull knife. So now I try to keep my knives sharp because I remember the pain of cutting myself…

4. Pain causes us to Live Differently

Living in the wake of pain is not necessarily bad. It does however have the ability to affect our daily patterns. Sometimes pain is so difficult that it causes us to live totally different than before. It may cause us to rely on God in a new way. It may require that you wake up on a daily basis and change your routine. We do this to avoid getting hurt again.

Pain is not always a bad thing. I love what it says in James 1:2-4, “Consider it all joy my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” That is not always an easy pill to swallow, but then again it is easier to go through pain when you know that there is something good that will come out of it.

Don’t be afraid to cry out in the midst of your pain. Our God is there to listen!

~Peter